When your child spills something, drops something, or creates a mess, pause before getting upset. Then, calmly ask your child what she was trying to do. You might be surprised at her answers, and you might learn things about your child and her thinking that you would never have known if you had gotten upset. Sometimes, your child really is just trying to help! Once you know what she was trying to accomplish, you can talk calmly about ways that it might work better next time.